The Million Dollar Question

If you had a million dollars, what would you do? A seemingly simple question, evoking a certain feeling of far-off dreams stored deep inside of the person being asked. A twinkle fills the eye. All of life's boredom disappears for a brief moment. Then it all returns. Haze. Boredom. Mundane. Life.

I have thought a lot about that question lately, not because I wish that I had a million dollars, but more in line with the question of what is it that motivates me to accomplish the dreams in my heart?

We often ask that question of one another in an attempt to learn more. But is it really a good question to ask? Does it really get us closer to knowing a person? Does it get the person closer to the dreams that they think of for a brief second? Or does it further the frustration of the life they haven't lived?

These are questions that I have been wrestling with in the past month as I pursue the twinkle in my eye. The dream in my heart. The stories that I long to tell.

The most important thing that I have learned, is that it hasn't taken a million dollars to get me to do the things that I want to do. It has been honesty. Being honest with others, myself, and a realization that I'm not too far away from doing what it is I really want to be doing. I was just afraid of fully committing because of fear.

Money can never make you unafraid of the things that scare you. In some ways, it makes you even more afraid. Paranoia. Fear. Trembling.

And learning to do what you want to do, in the face of fear, makes you come alive.

That is inspiring, and forever changes the million dollar question to: "What would you like to do, in the face of fear and yourself, that would make you come alive? Regardless of the cost?"

Dreaming for the Stars

As I watch Deep Space Nine for the first time, it talks about wormholes to other galaxies, and I wonder, will we as a species, make it to the furthest reaches of space? Will we dream big dreams today and in the future? Or will we rely on the dreams of the past, visionaries dead and gone, somehow alive in the systems and procedures built decades ago?

I wonder about the American Dream, how we used to dream big dreams. Dreams of going to the stars, no matter the cost. Personal sacrifice led the way, as people died for their dreams. They believed in what they could do. They believed in where we, as people, could go.

As the economy continues to take a dump on us, I wonder if it will open our eyes collectively to dreams that were there, providing a time and a place for them to come into focus.

Action is the only way that dreams become a reality. Maybe one day, the American Dream will become realized as an active pursuit in dreams for a better world. Not just pipe dreams or things to get people excited so that they will vote, but real visions of the future that inspire people, ultimately motivating them to get off the couch into the laboratories of life.

Apple Pledges $100,000 Toward Gay Marriage Fight

Today, in the local Vancouver paper, The Columbian, they published a story about Apple pledging $100,000 to defeat California's Proposition 8, which would ban same-sex marriage in California. Read the posting on Yahoo's news site.

This got me thinking about the majority of churches that rely heavily on Apple computers for their operations, either in design, video, music production, and office use. Does the money that these churches invest in Apple computers directly fund a cause that they are so adamant against? Does the money that consumers pay directly fund causes that they wouldn't normally support? It makes me wonder how much of what I buy directly supports politicians that I wouldn't support, or other issues that I haven't thought about, or have opinions on. Is this really that big of an issue, or has it been swept under the mat of acceptability?

Interesting questions as I continue my journey throughout the world.

Tacoma/Seattle Vacation

I just got back from my vacation to Tacoma and Seattle with Kristina. It was a great trip! We visited the Museum of Glass in Tacoma, the Underground Tour, Pike Place Market, Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Hall of Fame, the Seattle Public Library's amazing building, and a trip to my sister's house for her housewarming. As I said, a great trip, and I'll post photos soon!

Quote of the Day

I use Google Apps for my business e-mail and calendar, and on the start page is a Quote of the Day. Today's made me laugh:

"Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people." - James Russell Lowell

Just goes to show that no matter how hard I try to be original and unique, I may very well be dreadfully like other people.

Is that so bad?

Random Late Night Thoughts...

...While the DVDs Burn.

I'm sitting here spacing out at the monitors, waiting for the last couple of DVDs to finish burning for tomorrow morning. My church does a fall series every October through November, and this year we are creating our own, instead of relying on a Rick Warren or John Ortberg study. Based on "The Monday Morning Church" by Jerry Cook, I filmed a conversation between my pastor, Dave McCabe, and Jerry, as they discuss what it means to take Christ to the world each day. It was a great discussion, and we were able to create 4 sessions, each with two sections, corresponding with the chapters in the book. We will be filming the rest of the discussion next week, so I am looking forward to that.

It's amazing how long it takes to burn 3.3 GB of data to a DVD-ROM. Let alone to make 30 copies. In the time it took to that, I ate dinner, watched "The Thirteenth Floor", playing Yahtzee, drank half a case of diet root beer, surfed the web, wrote this blog, and thought about looking at the spiffy DVD duplicators on DiscMakers' website.

Oooh, I just put in the last disc now!

Becoming the Vision of the Future

What does it mean to dream up big things for the future if they never get accomplished? Just a quick thought for the day.

Is Compartmentalization Making our Lives Easier?

Have you noticed that people like to form their opinion about something based on a small percentage of what lines up with their held belief?

Take the oft-quoted stance of atheists that all Christians are hypocritical. Compartmentalization says: if a small percentage of Christians are hypocrites, it is safe to assume that all Christians are hypocrites.

How about politics? One of the core differences between democrats and republicans is the right to choose versus the right for life. Compartmentalization says that I am going to label whether a democrat is good or bad based on how I feel about the right to choose versus the right for life. Every issue in politics is at the liberty of compartmentalization. Economics, foreign policy, how much experience is necessary to hold the office of the president, the list can truly go on and on and on.

Here are a few interesting uses of compartmentalization: all heavy metal is satanic because a small percentage of heavy metal bands are actually Satanists; all Muslims are evil because a small percentage are Islamic Fundamentalists; all of Hollywood is morally corrupt because a small percentage of people enjoy making films that can be deemed as immoral.

This seems to be a fine line between actually bringing peace and diplomacy to the world, as opposed to labeling everything so that we know whether it is good or evil, and how we need to act against the said issue. It is a dangerous line, and it is no wonder that people get upset when stereotypes are formed on the sole basis of a small percentage.

What Does it Mean to Worship?

In the previous post about Young@Heart, I mention that the old man sings "Fix You" by Coldplay in such a way that he showed me a picture of remembrance, respect and love. He infused his life story into the song, and brought it alive. Several of the shots that followed were people singing with their eyes closed, probably envisioning their friends that were gone, and I couldn't help but ask the question, what does it mean to worship?

Is worship an industry that cranks out songs for people to sing in church? Is worship remembering what God has done for you? Is worship inspiring passion for people to live for God? Is worship boring? Does the American, Evangelical church have the wrong idea of what worship is? Is it more than just singing? What does it truly mean to worship?

I think worship can be defined as infusing your story into the meaning of what you are doing, singing, creating, thus inspiring remembrance, respect and love for God and others. Nothing can point to God better, than to do what He has created you to do, with all that you have, regardless of what others will say.

Well, I have rambled enough, I'm sure I'll ramble more...

Young @ Heart with Time to Change

When I am old and close to death, I want to die having lived a full life, still active in the things that bring me excitement, passion and inspiration for life.

Last night, I watched a documentary about a chorus of older people in their 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s singing contemporary songs by the likes of the Clash, Coldplay, James Brown, Ramones, and Sonic Youth. Living up their name, Young @ Heart, it made me cry at several moments to watch a group of people learning and singing difficult songs, despite losing friends, fighting illness and plaguing moments of the senior kind.

The passion and zeal for life that those men and women had, put to shame most people that I know, including myself, and it was a wonderful showcase of a beautiful part of the human spirit that perseveres, regardless of pain and hardships.

The most iconic, beautiful and heart-wrenching performance was a man singing “Fix You” by Coldplay. Originally meant to be a duet with his good friend, who passed away before the performance, the man showed me a picture of remembrance, respect and love, by singing the song with every ounce of energy that he could muster up, infusing the song’s meaning with his story. An important detail that added to the performance, was that the man himself was given two years to live, and was four months past the deadline. He had an oxygen tube up his nose, could barely stand, and at several moments in the film, he too was close to death.

Another lady was 92 years old, feisty, and full of life. In a way, she reminded me of my own grandmother, willing to say whatever is on her mind, not ashamed, not worried what people will think. As she sang “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones and “Schizophrenia” by Sonic Youth, I felt happy and joyful, not because old people were singing punk rock songs, but because she was 92 years old, active, alive and doing things that she probably never thought she would be doing at her age. She passed away after the film was made, but she was truly someone that loved life and wanted it known that others should live life with that same amount of passion.

It is important for me to take time and really reflect about my life and to make sure that I am living a passionate life. Encouraging others by allowing them to witness my actions, words, examples and relationships. That alone paints an important image of what it means to be young at heart.

A Return to Form

As many of you know, I have been doing the Weight Watchers program since May of 2007 and lost 76 pounds. Around February of this year, I went to Gambia, Africa and didn't stick to the diet, as I was grateful to enjoy some delicious African cuisine. Since then, I have had a difficult time returning to program, and gained 20 pounds.

All that to say, I have gotten with the program again, and I am enjoying the fact that I don't feel like a complete slob and loser.

I'll post weekly updates about my progress. Maybe that will keep me focused. Or not, we'll see.

It's Been Too Long

I haven't recorded any music in a long time, several years to be somewhat exact, but tonight I put a new twist on a song called Astral Being that I wrote in 1998 in my dorm room in Seattle. Check it out at: http://www.myspace.com/thesongsofchrismartin, the song is called Astral Being 2008. You can also check out the 1998 version, tuned to C#. Fun and heavy, and the guitar tones are so much better today than 10 years. Of course, 10 years I go I was using a Digitech RP12, as opposed to the Line 6 Pod X3 Live that I use today. It's amazing how far technology as come in terms of guitar processors.

Wicked Cool

Some photos from a brief photo walk today.

One of Those Moments

I just had one of those moments where I realize my job affects the clothes that I wear. In the spirit of doing digital media production and working on the computer all day, I am wearing a red shirt, green shorts, and blue shoes. Oh brother, I'm even dressing in RGB! There is my moment of pure geekness.

The Saga of the Failed Drive

The saga of the failed drive is now over. I have all of my data, and now I don't have to recreate the work that I was right in the middle of when it failed.

The Dark Knight

It is rare when a movie moves me so deeply and shakes me to my core. I have weird and eccentric taste in movies. I like Delicatessen, Amelie, Time Bandits, Brazil, but while those are based in almost fantastical worlds, The Dark Knight is set in a seemingly modern-day reality. And that is truly what makes the film both amazing and unsettling. The late Heath Ledger's performance was amazing, including his stint as a nurse getting some Purell. Equally impressive was Aaron Eckhart's performance as Harvey Dent/Two Face.

More to come as I process the movie. It sure created some interesting dreams last night.

The Saga of the Failed Drive

My main data drive is currently in California getting probed, recovering the data that I didn't have a chance to back up. This has affected me deeply, and I have learned to back up my data on a daily basis. The feelings are very crazy, it's as if part of me is missing. I know that may seem weird, but there was so much work on there from the past three years of my life. The majority was backed up, which was good.

Let this be a lesson. Back up your data. Back it up. It hurts when it goes away.

A Moment of Sickness

Delayed write failure on Drive F:

Random Musings

As opposed to my last blog posting, today is a beautiful day. Slightly overcast, just waiting for the sun to come out and make it nice and warm. Kristina and I got a gas grill, so I have some ground turkey marinating in onions, garlic, garlic pepper and marinade. Yum! Turkey burgers for dinner.

I have been rather inspired by things from Europe and Britain as of late. The first is the new Coldplay album, "Viva La Vida." I have been a Coldplay fan for a couple of years, but their new album is definitely my favorite. Start to finish, it is the strongest and most interesting collection of songs that I have heard in a while. Next on the horizon is "Death Magnetic" by Metallica in September. I am one of those fans that has Mission: Metallica Platinum membership, so I have gotten to enjoy their random musings and promotions for the new album.

The second inspiration is a French film called "The City of Lost Children." Very fascinating look at the search for the cure of the aging process, cloning, amnesia, and kids forced to take care of themselves because the adults are too interested in other things.

I recently purchased Softimage XSI to work on some 3D animation projects, and with it came a training DVD called "The Artists Guide to XSI." My only experience with learning software has been tutorials, books and the classroom, so this DVD was my first step into learning software. I'm hooked, what a great way to learn something. Books are good, but when it comes to complex software and techniques, actually seeing what's going on and being able to follow along simultaneously is a definite advantage that really excites me.

Well, I think that is about it for this episode of random musings. Offspring's "Hammerhead" is on, and I am going to work on some modeling tutorials in XSI.

Greed, Lies and Propaganda

June 10th and it's pouring down rain, cold and dark. I grow tired of the presidential race. It's not really a race, considering it has gone on longer than it really needs to. I grow tired of sensational journalism, as if they are actually reporting anything new. I'm tired of greed preventing the truth from actually coming out. I'm tired of propaganda telling me what I need to believe so that I will continue feeding the machine that keeps the world running. I'm tired of lies. I want the truth. It is true that the truth hurts, but how many people must be hurt in order for the truth to remain hidden?

I am tired today, but life goes on. It always does, regardless of whether I think I can change that or not.